BY AMBER BRAXTON

You should play with me; okay!

Did I say you could play with my toys? If you want to play with me, you have to do it my way; okay.

You should clean up yourself up if you want to be my friend; what is wrong with the way I ...
You need to make sure you shower every day, use deodorant, perfume, and lotion; Wash your face twice a day, use toner, and then moisturize if you don’t want pimples; Remember now, you have to wear a bra; You are gaining weight, make sure to exercise and eat healthy; No dessert; You are eating too much; Just stop eating; You should get new clothes; You are dressing too young for your age; Try Hollister, Aeropostle, and Abercrombie & Fitch; their sizes run too small;

I told you, you need to lose weight. If you keep this up you are going to be the biggest one in class. If you want to be smart, you have to study. No one likes a dummy. But, don’t be too smart, or you’ll look unattractive. But if you do as I say, you’ll possibly get someone to like you.

Why don’t you comb your hair? Why does it never grow? It grows, but it is so curly you can’t tell for a while.

You should straighten it every day. You look better with it straight. Put some chemicals in it. Try a few relaxers, a keratin treatment may do the trick. Learn how to blow dry correctly, so you won’t have frizz. Make sure not to burn yourself with the straightener. However, beauty is pain; okay.

Paint your nails once a week, and do not let them chip. You need to look clean and polished at all times. Make sure you shape your eyebrows. Have you ever had them waxed before? Speaking of waxing, you should probably wax your legs and arms. You don’t want anyone to see your body hair. That is disgusting. Never let it grow that long. You do not want people to think you’re nas- ty. Don’t become that girl.

You should be tanner; I am tan.

But not tan enough. You should be darker. But not too dark.

You should be listening to the type of music we do; I do sometimes, but I have other preferences. Those are lame. You should be into hip hop, and rap. Speaking of lame, you should join a sport; I’m more into art and writing.

Nobody likes having to do art. Coloring is for babies, we are in high school now. And writing? Who likes writing essays? You should be hanging out with better friends. Not those weird dorks... You need to stop dressing how we did years ago with Hollister, Aeropostale, and Abercrombie & Fitch. You should dress more maturely. But, if you want to get attention, wear a crop and leggings. But never wear it for an interview or in the work- place. Don’t you understand, you need to change your outfit completely based on who you’ll be around. You need to know who to talk to and who to avoid. Just try to not be yourself, okay?

You need to address that you have problem with your hair. What?

You straighten it way too much, and it does not look healthy. But you said...

And you really need to start washing your face again; those pimples are horrific; I wash twice a day; speaking of skin, in the winter you are way too light and in summer you are too dark; I can’t control that...

You need to focus on your grades now, they are very important if you want to succeed. But, you need to go out Thursday and Saturday nights, don’t you have a life? What do you mean you can’t down a whole bottle, everyone can; I thought you said I needed to focus on my...
I don’t understand why you are so down all the time, your life is fine; put on a smile, the world does not care if you’re down; pretend you are okay; don’t let people notice how you are really feeling; convince yourself you are fine; they will think you are crazy if you look for help.

All you need to do is remember this; dress sexy, but not too sexy, be smart but not too smart, make sure your skin is smooth, hairless, and tan, but not too tan; make sure it is without flaw, you should cover those scars; listen to this kind of mu- sic and learn to dance in a way that will give you attention, but don’t act too much like a slut; make sure your hair looks silky straight, but make sure it looks healthy too. Make sure you do well in college so then you can have a good future, but remember to have fun, make risky decisions, and experience everything; drink, smoke, have reck- less sex, don’t gain the freshmen 15, hang with the right crowd, drink 3 cups of coffee a day to stay awake, but drink water only to stay hydrated, make schedules to stay focused, but be flexible so you can live your life; don’t start acting like you are overwhelmed because you have practiced for the last 20 years what it is like to be a woman, and now is your chance to show society you com- pleted their challenge.

Get out of bed.

No.

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