The interview is over, successful and hard won. The plane tickets are booked. The plan is set. The date approaches. Soon you will be 3,000 miles away. Almost a 48-hour drive across the country. We will Skype, we will FaceTime, we will iMessage. I’ll talk to you on Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. I’ll send you letters and money and love.

I’m going with you on January 9th. I will stay with you and help you get settled. I will fly back alone, in the same seats as before. I will tell you that you don’t have to come to the airport and that you should save your money. Don’t waste it on the Uber ride back. You’ll say no and will come with me to LAX. You’ll take me inside and wait with me for a while. There will be a heavy silence between us. There will be sadness dripping from my pores. There will be smiles to cover up how sad and lost I feel. I am happy for you. I am proud of you. I will miss you.

You’ll be back for my graduation, you say. I don’t think that will happen. I think we will be apart for a very long time. I hope we can still grow together. I want you to make friends and have a life out there, but I don’t want anyone to even compare to me. I know there will be competition. I know I’ll have to fight for you, because I know I need a lot of work. I know I need to treat you better, that you deserve better. I want you to have the best, so this is why I will not cry. I will not show how much this will affect me, and how scared I am for our future. We have created a life together and I know this has to happen, but I’m not ready to give it up yet.